yeah... so about the whole being crazy for loving him...still??
yeah...i'm dating him again lol and i'm happy so yay! lol hope it stays like this tho
heres a pic of us:
This Saturday’s Recipes by The Pioneer Woman
4 years ago
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
I'm crazy!
oh kay...yeah i'm definitely crazy.......
why?
i love him still.
even though he broke my heart.
More than once.
maybe stupid is the word.
Who in the freakin hell knows! {lol}
~Crazy Teen
Sunday, March 7, 2010
*What the Freakin Hell?!*
heres a diary entry...
Sunday, March 7, 2010 8:23pm
am i the only one thats a blundering idiot when it comes to guys? Am i the only one that keeps falling for the same guy that i know i shouldn't bcuz he broke my heart multiple times before, but still do anyways? And then i get my damn heart broken. again. It damn sure seems like it!
How can he claim to love me yet still date other people? And of all the people he could date, he chooses M, Orin's ex who dumped him for shilo who was, in my opinion, not a good guy... (just wanted girls for...well you kno)... so what does that say about me, or what he thinks of me if i'm grouped in the same category with her?
I'm just so confused. He asked me "what happened to sticking together no matter what?" but how am i supposed to be close to him (or around him at all) when i'm broken...? How can i do that without causing myself pain??
What the freakin hell (thanks auntie for that saying) was i thinking falling for him again?!?!
OH YEAH!!! I WASN'T THINKING!!!
~Crazy Teen <3
Thursday, March 4, 2010
I've become pretty poetic in the last couple months.
Here are some i've written recently:
The numbness takes over. There's nothing left to feel. You stole my heart. You kept it captive. Almost against my will. ...But i let you keep it Thinking you'd take care And keep it safe this time. But you didn't. You broke it. You tore it to pieces. You shattered my heart. You shattered me.
*******
A Butterflies wings Against her face, Her mothers hands Around her waist, No laughter goes to waste. Kisses Kisses Kisses A charming smile and gorgeous eyes, Their first kiss Brings butterflies, They embrace And she sighs. Kisses Kisses Kisses Wrinkles and lines Around her lips, A bad back And replaced hips, Waiting eagerly for Death's kiss. Kisses Kisses Kisses
*******
Time slips by slowlyOne grain at a timeAs i wait for life to come.Life flits by fastWhile i'm locked awayAs i wait for my freedom.Freedom never comesMy heart sits emptyAs i wait for Death to come
*********
I let you in I fell for you Against my better judgement. You said those words That seemed true But were filled with empty promises. Those three words "I love you" Did you really honestly mean it? How could you? I loved you. Now you broke me. Again.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Is there anyone out there???
hey all!!!
sorry its been awhile since i've blogged, i got caught up in facebook and all those other sites lol....but aunt sam like forced me to do this :D so its all good!!
heres an update:
i'm a sophmore in high school and its going pretty well except for the fact that i can't seem to pass biology (i have a C...i never do that!), but Algebra II is going pretty well so thats super good :)
my best friend heather decided this summer that she didn't wanna be my friend anymore and she like emailed me this summer and told me that i had changed and BS like that...so whateva. If she's naive enough to think that no one changes, then i don't want anything to do with her. But she can't even look at me at school...can't even make eye contact...i mean what the hell is up with that!?
oh and boys.... yeah i dated david for like 6 months and then was forced to break up with him by my parents, then i dated Russ Clark (he's a sweetie and also a senior) but yeah we broke up after 2 weeks cuz he claimed i was too clingy (i can't help the fact that i fell in love with him the day i met him, which was years ago) and now he's dating one of my best friends again (who had dated him b4 i did)(oh and me and my friend made a no-more-Russ pact) she broke the pact officially on new years so yeah its not like that hurt or anything rite? (pssht not!)...and then theres Mitch...he's my other sweetie (or was) the same friend that is now with Russ gave me his number and yeah we started txting constnantly, and then he claimed he loved me, so long story short: i fell really hard for him like really really really hard for him... but now my other friend Shelly is in love with him too which totally freakin hurts you know?
so in other words: i'm in a screwed up situation when it comes to guys. wouldn't be a first huh.
~GN <3
Thursday, August 13, 2009
NEW SHOES!!!!! OMG!!!!1
okay guys...........
this may not shock u but these r my new school shoes......i think dey r adorable..... mom and D think they're hideous...but apparently i like hideous things.....
comment and tell me what u think!!
~GN
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Chapter 2: Angels Shouldn't Lie
Angels Shouldn’t Lie
All three of us were sent to earth to guard over what the bosses called the ‘hopeless cases.’ We were just like any other humans except for the fact that we had a perfect physique, we were extremely graceful, and we never aged. We were Angles, Guardian Angels to be exact. We were sent to watch over three men that had been notoriously vile. Without some guidance they would either kill, or be killed. We were the only ones that could save them.
When I say “we,” I mean Aurora, Grace and I. Aurora was average height, with short brown hair, chocolate brown eyes. Grace on the other hand was tall, had long, straight, black hair, pure green eyes, and was extremely charismatic. I have blue eyes, long blonde hair, and am a height between Grace and Aurora.
They had been close friends since “birth,” and when I say birth I mean when we were changed to Angels. I specifically requested them to come with me on this assignment. Grace was assigned to a man named Fynn Collins who was a burglar, a rapist at times, but above all a druggie. Aurora, however, was guarding over a man who happened to be drug lord named Damien Johnson. But I had been given Kaleb Jay Payne. He just happened to be recently divorced and now lives out of the bottle. Kaleb is definitely not the worst person in the world but we aren’t here to judge, just to protect them.
Lately Fynn has needed more “gifts” to save his life. Grace has had to ask for five extra Gifts from the Big House. We’re only supposed to use five Gifts on them in a week because too many gifts make people cocky and arrogant. As for Damien, well he’s always trying to get himself killed, but what human isn’t? Aurora’s been feeling pretty good lately since she’s only needed two extra Gifts for him this week, and that’s below average for Damien. My dear Kaleb is a totally different story. Yes, he may need a few extra gifts when trying to make it up the two flights of stairs to find his cheap apartment in his usual drunken stupor, but he’s a good man at heart. That’s exactly why I’m falling in love with him.
I woke up from my wonderfully reoccurring dream about Kaleb, and head downstairs to find Grace already up scrying on Fynn, mumbling about how stupid be was for doing this and “I’m gonna have to call up the Boss again and ask for more gifts to keep you from breaking your neck…maybe breaking your neck would teach you to be more careful.” I laugh to myself; she’s been saying that for years.
As she hears me come into the room she greets me with and aggravated “Moring” and turns back to the crystal ball we use for scrying. I tell her goodmorning and wait until she’s done so I can see how Kaleb is doing. Grace says she’s done looking at the idiot about 15 minutes later. I sit down in front of the small crystal ball. Gently touch the surface of it , the gray mist shifts and clears to reveal Kaleb tryin to make it up the perilous stairs in another of his drunken stupors, a fifth of Wild Turkey in his hand. He almost falls back down the stairs several times with many profanities said and much spilling of whiskey. As he heads to his room he falls onto that bed and reaches for the picture of his gorgeous ex-wife. I can’t help but feel sorry for, he’s been doing this every night for nearly a month. Kaleb always falls asleep face down in the pillow, clutching his lost love’s picture for dear life, with the whiskey sitting on the nightstand. When he wakes up he returns to drinking unless he’s so sick that he can’t drink anything between bouts of puking.
Again I am reminded of my most frequent dream of Kaleb. How he holds me, how he kisses me, and how I felt he loved me. I shake the thoughts out of my mind as I rationalize that it is forbidden and for good reason. Angels never die, humans do. Simple as that. I know I couldn’t bear to fall in love with him, live my life with him, and then watch him die and know there is nothing I could do. I try not to entertain the idea, but it always reveals itself when I’m denying it the most. I could ask God, the Man upstairs, the Head Honcho. But I know for a fact that he would never give me, or anyone for that matter, permission to change a human into an angel until they’re dead or near death. It is an extremely difficult procedure that involves the Big Man himself helping hand. But regardless, the Boss is never ever ever seen by any of us lower ranking angels.
I decide that such thoughts are better left alone so I leave Kaleb to rest as I talk to Aurora and Grace. As I saunter downstairs I hear Grace using her obscenely large vocabulary saying“Fynn is being so obnoxious lately! I have to give him five gifts a day to keep the dipshit breathing!”
“I can’t believe Damien!! I know he’s a drug lord and is always getting shot at but this week has been horrible! Even for him!”
“Hey ladies…Boys acting up again?” I ask innocently with a coy smile as if I didn’t hear a word of their little conversation.
“Yes…How’s Kaleb doing?” Ask Grace.
With them not knowing that I go to Kaleb-land every night, I just say “Ya…he’s been hitting the Wild Turkey extra hard this week. I just feel so sorry for him. I mean he’s a great, attractive, sweet guy…This divorce with his wife just shattered his heart, what was left of it at least, and he just needs someone to pick up the pieces for him, you know?” Grace and Aurora both nod their heads. It’s my routine speech about how he’s doing to keep them from getting suspicious.
Should I feel guilty for not telling them? I can’t help but think. I’m not telling my best friends about my intense, forbidden feelings for Kaleb. Maybe someday they’ll find out or I’ll tell them, but for now I’ll just let things lie.
Again, I thought briefly of asking His Majesty to change Kabeb without having to end his life, again I know that He would not ever change a human under normal circumstances, let alone a hellion like Kaleb, and again I remind myself that I cannot lie to Aurora much longer but especially Grace. Her piercing emerald eyes can see through any façade, no matter how convincing it may appear.
All three of us were sent to earth to guard over what the bosses called the ‘hopeless cases.’ We were just like any other humans except for the fact that we had a perfect physique, we were extremely graceful, and we never aged. We were Angles, Guardian Angels to be exact. We were sent to watch over three men that had been notoriously vile. Without some guidance they would either kill, or be killed. We were the only ones that could save them.
When I say “we,” I mean Aurora, Grace and I. Aurora was average height, with short brown hair, chocolate brown eyes. Grace on the other hand was tall, had long, straight, black hair, pure green eyes, and was extremely charismatic. I have blue eyes, long blonde hair, and am a height between Grace and Aurora.
They had been close friends since “birth,” and when I say birth I mean when we were changed to Angels. I specifically requested them to come with me on this assignment. Grace was assigned to a man named Fynn Collins who was a burglar, a rapist at times, but above all a druggie. Aurora, however, was guarding over a man who happened to be drug lord named Damien Johnson. But I had been given Kaleb Jay Payne. He just happened to be recently divorced and now lives out of the bottle. Kaleb is definitely not the worst person in the world but we aren’t here to judge, just to protect them.
Lately Fynn has needed more “gifts” to save his life. Grace has had to ask for five extra Gifts from the Big House. We’re only supposed to use five Gifts on them in a week because too many gifts make people cocky and arrogant. As for Damien, well he’s always trying to get himself killed, but what human isn’t? Aurora’s been feeling pretty good lately since she’s only needed two extra Gifts for him this week, and that’s below average for Damien. My dear Kaleb is a totally different story. Yes, he may need a few extra gifts when trying to make it up the two flights of stairs to find his cheap apartment in his usual drunken stupor, but he’s a good man at heart. That’s exactly why I’m falling in love with him.
I woke up from my wonderfully reoccurring dream about Kaleb, and head downstairs to find Grace already up scrying on Fynn, mumbling about how stupid be was for doing this and “I’m gonna have to call up the Boss again and ask for more gifts to keep you from breaking your neck…maybe breaking your neck would teach you to be more careful.” I laugh to myself; she’s been saying that for years.
As she hears me come into the room she greets me with and aggravated “Moring” and turns back to the crystal ball we use for scrying. I tell her goodmorning and wait until she’s done so I can see how Kaleb is doing. Grace says she’s done looking at the idiot about 15 minutes later. I sit down in front of the small crystal ball. Gently touch the surface of it , the gray mist shifts and clears to reveal Kaleb tryin to make it up the perilous stairs in another of his drunken stupors, a fifth of Wild Turkey in his hand. He almost falls back down the stairs several times with many profanities said and much spilling of whiskey. As he heads to his room he falls onto that bed and reaches for the picture of his gorgeous ex-wife. I can’t help but feel sorry for, he’s been doing this every night for nearly a month. Kaleb always falls asleep face down in the pillow, clutching his lost love’s picture for dear life, with the whiskey sitting on the nightstand. When he wakes up he returns to drinking unless he’s so sick that he can’t drink anything between bouts of puking.
Again I am reminded of my most frequent dream of Kaleb. How he holds me, how he kisses me, and how I felt he loved me. I shake the thoughts out of my mind as I rationalize that it is forbidden and for good reason. Angels never die, humans do. Simple as that. I know I couldn’t bear to fall in love with him, live my life with him, and then watch him die and know there is nothing I could do. I try not to entertain the idea, but it always reveals itself when I’m denying it the most. I could ask God, the Man upstairs, the Head Honcho. But I know for a fact that he would never give me, or anyone for that matter, permission to change a human into an angel until they’re dead or near death. It is an extremely difficult procedure that involves the Big Man himself helping hand. But regardless, the Boss is never ever ever seen by any of us lower ranking angels.
I decide that such thoughts are better left alone so I leave Kaleb to rest as I talk to Aurora and Grace. As I saunter downstairs I hear Grace using her obscenely large vocabulary saying“Fynn is being so obnoxious lately! I have to give him five gifts a day to keep the dipshit breathing!”
“I can’t believe Damien!! I know he’s a drug lord and is always getting shot at but this week has been horrible! Even for him!”
“Hey ladies…Boys acting up again?” I ask innocently with a coy smile as if I didn’t hear a word of their little conversation.
“Yes…How’s Kaleb doing?” Ask Grace.
With them not knowing that I go to Kaleb-land every night, I just say “Ya…he’s been hitting the Wild Turkey extra hard this week. I just feel so sorry for him. I mean he’s a great, attractive, sweet guy…This divorce with his wife just shattered his heart, what was left of it at least, and he just needs someone to pick up the pieces for him, you know?” Grace and Aurora both nod their heads. It’s my routine speech about how he’s doing to keep them from getting suspicious.
Should I feel guilty for not telling them? I can’t help but think. I’m not telling my best friends about my intense, forbidden feelings for Kaleb. Maybe someday they’ll find out or I’ll tell them, but for now I’ll just let things lie.
Again, I thought briefly of asking His Majesty to change Kabeb without having to end his life, again I know that He would not ever change a human under normal circumstances, let alone a hellion like Kaleb, and again I remind myself that I cannot lie to Aurora much longer but especially Grace. Her piercing emerald eyes can see through any façade, no matter how convincing it may appear.
I lay down in bed, smiling because I know I am soon to see my love.
Chapter 3 is soon to come i promise!!
~GN
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